My Nemesis, My Friend

I received a rather prolonged visit from what I have at times referred to as 'an old friend. And honestly, at time's that's true. But often, I think probably more often than not it's more my nemesis than my friend. And this visitor, this force, it's name is Anger. We go way back, anger and me. It was always the first and most common reaction and emotion project at me, through me, upon me, by the Beast-man who was sadly my male role model. So, of course, over time 2 things happened, pretty much in tandom; I began to both loath and imitate this reactionary behavior. You see, what I would eventually piece together as I grew older (and, in theory, wiser) is that The Beast (To be known as such from here on out) didn't understand any emotion, could not process, deal with or project any emotion, other than anger.
And so from this rather volcanic environment, I was born, a man of similar behaviors. Only by The Grace of The Gods, did I not become a mirror of this old generation, bitter, emotionally stunted, angry Beast. But the demon of anger did find a hold in me. I did not become an openly volent miscreant, or a physically violent woman beater or any such. But the anger was always there, bubbling, waiting. And often it seeps out at unexpected times, or boils over in great bursts, and am like Vesuvius, spewing lava everywhere, reeking havoc and destroying all caught in my wake. So in this way, has it been my Nemesis. But also it has been my friend. It has seved me in defending my own life, in portecting friends and in keeping myself and others safe by instinct and that extra edge it can provide. But the sneaky little bastard in it's negative aspect has cost me much. A connection other friends had that passed me by like dust on the wind, friends that the loss of felt like losing limbs, relationships, that if the anger had not shattered may have altered the course of my life.
Anger has popped up here and there, but not majorly for a while. But over the last days it hasn't just raised it's head, it's been a fucking Hydra! Every time I 'cut off it's head', two more of the damnable things grew back! Again and again this happened until at last I found the 'fire' to burn the stumps, remove all the heads and find calm again for a time. But it was a real deluge of suck and I hope to be able to learn to keep it at bay longer and longer. Because I, in point of sad fact, can become emotionally abusive from it, and I don't want to be that douche ever again. I hope to one day bury that lousy Son Of A Bitch for good.