The road so far...

Life is a journey, not a destination. That might sound corny to some, but I have always believed it to be a simple, solid truth. And man, has my journey gotten interesting, spiritually speaking.
I have always been a very spiritual person and am always open to things on that level, or try to be. But I never expected to be where I am...

I was raised Christian, 'Salvationist' to be specific. It is a very open-minded church; in mission statement at least. When I was a child I was always happy and excited to get up on Sunday mornings and go to church. To praise, to learn. It was fun and wonderful for me. As time went on and I grew as a person, I learned there were other faiths out there, something I never heard of at home. This exposure is thanks to my very spiritually diverse group of friends and acquaintances over the years. As time went on and I opened myself up, explored, I stayed Christian but one day found myself veering in to the territory of Shamanism, a practice which had fascinated me for years. And when a close friend at the time said he saw a veritable spiritual menagerie of animals around me and then looked me in the eye and said "You are a shaman" I found then the courage to take that first step toward excpeting Shamanistic and Animist beliefs into my own. After some time, contemplation and study, I was soon calling myself a Christian Shaman. For several years I walked this path. The whole time, both as a Christan and then as a Christian Shaman I felt...pullings another way. Their were signs, hints, but I ignored them. To follow those feeling would take me fully away from the Christan beliefs and I couldn't do it. Things like the fact that I'd go to hell for doing it, were to ingrained into my psyche. And so, I stayed as I was, where I was and thought (pretended?) that that was enough.
As years went by and life rolled on, I saw back-biting and betrayal in church, a place supposed to be holy and free of judgement. I saw people more concerned about their own 'rank' socially and within the church then with actually being a truly good Christian and following the tenants of tolerance love, unity and forgiveness that are supposed to be at the core there. But part of the problem was that people were more concerned with the Religion of Christianity and not the Spirituality of it. I also looked around me at the world and within me at questions I had that I could not satisfactorily answer. Why was such a good deity turning a blind eye to SOOOOOO much pain and suffering and evil? That was but one of the questions that just kept nearly pecking a hole in my damn head. I also found I was growing increasingly fed up with the threat of Hell that is held of the head of Christians like a sword of Damocles. If you don't do X thing right, you're going to hell. You have modifications to your body, you're going to hell. You have sex and you aren't married, yup, hell again. It gets ludicrous after a point. Like a damn boogie man for adults. Put there to scare everybody into line.
At various points throughout all of this in my life, I found interest in 'viking' culture. Runes, stories, ect. I always felt drawn to the runes and to one in particular. 'Thorn'. I always loved storms and at times (Think me nuts if you like) I could swear I heard a voice in them. Finally, after years of searching to right myself with what I did or did not believe, and of denying those pulls, I was at a pagan festival with a friend I'd grown up with, and one of the vendors had a Thor's Hammer and a Valk-knot pendant on her table. I felt drawn to both of these. But I had always heard that to mark yourself with that knot is to basically say you're ready to die and I mean soon, in the service of The All-Father, Odin. I'm still looking into finding out the truth to that. But, I finally said "Aw, fuck it!" and picked up and purchased the Thor' s Hammer that now hang around my neck. I feel comfortable here, on my new path. Shaky sometimes, sure, and sometimes old beliefs try to crop up in my head and remind me of that Christian specter of hell., but I find I can shake it off. I have found a new strength and I am more comfortable here than I possibly imagined I ever would be. That fire I once felt as a child on Sunday mornings, that eagerness to learn has returned, but now it's aimed at things like learning all about The Rune, setting up an alter and learning all I can about the Gods and Goddesses of The Asatru faith. I am still Shamanic, it fits right in there too. The Norse had shamans. The really funny part to me, is not ONE of my 'Pagan' friends, be they Asatru, Wicca or some other, were surprised that my feet found this path. Apparently it only surprised me. Which of course makes me laugh, in the good way. So now I walk this road and wonder, with excitement and curiosity, what lies ahead for me.
Hail, Thor!